Why Poker Makes Me Miserable

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I stare at my dual monitors full of 8 Full Tilt tables and wonder when it all will end. An overwhelming sense of dread suddenly rushes over me as if I was just doused with scalding water; seeping first from the top of my head, then over my face, then down my neck, shoulders and arms. But the feeling always settles solidly in my gut. Making me sick. Sick and angry. Anger becomes an insatiable fury.

And then I begin feel a calm wash over me. . .

I exit my poker tables and go outside to have a smoke. There is now only a dull burning in my chest that is undoubtedly going to linger for a while.

It is difficult for me to get over bad beats these days. It seems like I go through one of these phases every six months or so and I just cannot force myself to sit down and play poker. It is physically painful. I am officially burnt out.

This is natural (at least I tell myself that it is) for all players, but it is especially detrimental if you make your living playing poker like I do.

What do you do if you are burnt out on poker if playing poker is your job?

I honestly think a better question is “Why am I burnt out in the first place?”

I was just reading a post on Brian Townsend’s blog about how happy he has been this year playing poker, even during a multi-million downswing and I began to reflect on my own poker playing career. He attributes much of his comfort and happiness to being properly bankrolled for the limits he plays.

I have been playing professionally for 3 years now and have never felt like I had a big enough bankroll and financial cushion, especially as of late. I did not plan this post to be about bankroll management. In fact, I did not plan this post at all, but as I reflect as I write, I now realize that having the pressure constantly on by playing under-rolled is crippling. I don’t think I even realized that I felt any pressure until just now as I wrote it out.

Moral of the story: Work your ass off at making your bankroll more than big enough. Think of what you would ideally want your bankroll to be to live comfortable. Now double it. Scrimp, scrounge, and save until you are debt free and have a big-ass bankroll. Now make tons of money and live happily ever after.

Sounds easy right? Right. . .

I guess now the only thing I can do is force myself back in the game and put in some monster sessions. A lot of them.

Seems like a catch-22 to me.

Maybe I should just get a job.

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